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Frustrations, Set-backs, and Mind Your Own Business

This week was going to be a very fun and relaxing TSB.  Like so many of our Sunday sojourns into oenophilia, it didn’t quite work out that way.

Cara, baby Caia Skye, and I went on an overnight to Tulum, staying at a lovely (if basic) beachfront resort.  We were going to head back in the late afternoon, pick up some curry from Curry Omm, take it home, and enjoy a quiet night with no disasters and no responsibilities.

One of three things went wrong with that plan before it could even really be hatched.  The first thing that went wrong is that I got a very unexpected visit from my uncle Uti, from the Urethral Mountains.  He has never visited me before, spending most of his time visiting my female friends and relatives.  Thankfully, my good friend Cipro was still at my house, so I took him along with me to Tulum.  Also, it really burned when I peed.

Second, on our way back from Tulum, we were shocked to discover that Curry Omm is not open on Sundays.  Shocked, mostly, since we hadn’t bothered to call earlier to find out whether they were open Sundays in the first place.

Thirdly, Megan had an appointment with a photography client that went horribly awry, pushing back our dinner plans from the usual time of (between) six o’clock (and eight o’clock) sharp.

So, hero that I am, I rushed to the store, bought some New York steaks, some potatoes, and some body wash.

Since I was on antibiotics, I could not partake in the wine this week, and a good thing too, since it sucked from all accounts.  Sadly, this was the first time Rene had gotten involved in the festivities.  He picked out this week’s selection.  Hopefully, it doesn’t sour him so badly on the experience that he shuts down completely.  We’ve worked hard to get him to this point, and I’m afraid that, with a set-back like this, we might lose him forever.  (Then again, that’s why God invented scotch.  For the purposes of this post, God is Scottish.)

Wine: Blackstone, Winemaker’s Select, Pinot Noir, California, 2009, $169.95 MXN
Rating: A Half-Bottle

One half of a bottle, and that’s only because it came in a bottle.  Kudos for getting it in there!  Seriously, why bother making a wine, printing labels, and sending it out into the world if it’s just going to taste like that?  Not to be mean, but it really wasn’t very good.  Sorry for the harsh language and the biting prose, but that’s just how I feel.

Maybe it was the Ciprofloxaxin talking, or maybe it was that my taste buds were all revved up for some authentic curry, but my man-parts hurt a lot this week.  (As it turns out, I had incorrectly self-diagnosed myself as having a urinary tract infection, and what I actually have is something even more related to man-parts than I had previously suspected, ORRRR even hoped for!  More on that next week!  With photos!  And a video play-by-play of my visit to the doctor’s office!)

Whatever the reason, I really hated this wine.  All of it that briefly touched my tongue before I spit it out on account of the heavy medication I was on.  Megan confirmed my suspicions, and the un-drunk glasses of the stuff justified my vitriol.

The steaks were good, so let’s talk about them.

On the menu: New York Steaks, Baked Potatoes, Sides of Disappointment and Discomfort.

I mentioned the discomfort, and the disappointment, but not the steaks, and they really did turn out nicely.  I tried something that I’ve always wanted to try, and I highly recommend you try it too at your earliest convenience.

Step One: Bring the steaks up to room temperature.  This helps relax the meat, and makes them more receptive to step four.

Step Two: Rub the steaks with sea salt and cracked pepper.  Let sit for fifteen minutes or so.

Step Three: While steaks are sitting, melt 100 grams of unsalted butter.  Let it cool down while the steaks finish sitting.

Not A Step, But A Good Tip: Make sure that the steaks know that they are not being punished.  They are merely sitting so that they have a chance to relax into their new salty, peppery clothes.  Talk to the steaks.  Let them know how happy you are to meet them, and tell them a little about yourself.  This will help build rapport with the steaks, which will pay dividends later when it’s time to close the sale!

Step Four: Place the steaks in a large freezer bag and pour the now cool, but still liquid butter over top of them.  If the butter has become a little clumpy by this time, whisk it a little bit with a fork.  Or with a whisk.   Let the steaks, covered in salt, pepper, and butter, sit for about an hour, or an hour-and-a-half; whenever Megan gets back from the meeting with her clients.

When you are grilling the steaks, you will want to have a spray bottle of water on stand-by, or a bottle of water, to put out the flames that will shoot up when you put the steaks on the hot grill.  If you don’t, the flames will lick your steaks until they are burnt and poopy.  Poopy is a technical, culinary term.  Ask anyone.  No, you’re  stupid!

Okay … so, next week will be better.  Next week we will bring you fun, excitement, and photos of me in humiliating situations.

Until then,



8 responses »

  1. Bloody Brilliant! Keep up the good work hombre. It seems like you are into the blanc vinos at the moment…I have 2 white wines to suggest for you. I don’t know if you can get them there, however, Con Sur Viogner OR Beringer Pint Grigio.
    How many bottles will they rate?? Ohh…the anticipation…

  2. Although this was more about your penis than wine, thought you might want to check out this recently launched wine-site. Look for the interview with the handsome Rex Harrington (he’s engaged to Bob Hope!).

    • Will check that out, Mike. Although, from your previous emails to me, I was under the impression that you wanted more posts about my penis. Was I mistaken?

      • I thought those were for your wang blog, and I’m following your penis on Twitter so I’m pretty up to date on its happenings.

  3. Oh MY tee hee! Hope you are much more confortable now, the steaks sounded wonderful, but as you say there is nothing like bad wine. In defense of the wine buyer, price as you have said doesn’t always guarantee a good wine, in my wine town that price is now a little iffy. I am not a wine connoisseur so won’t make any more comments EXCEPT I AM AWAITING WITH ANTICIPATION THE NEXT SUNDAY BOTTLES AND everything!

  4. Pingback: And it begins … « Movember Madness Monanza « Craig Norton

  5. Pingback: Day 15 and the Reasons Why I’m Doing This « Movember Madness Monanza « Craig Norton

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